Ruins of a day
by LNEnja
Summary: Under the shade of his favourite tree, Matt writes what no one must ever know, his inner desires, his most guilty secrets...


LNEnja:Soo… Hiiiiiiiii everybody!!! We are ~oh so glad to represent you our first work of art (aka a small one-shot -.-)

Stefi-sama: Yay yay! This is our first piece of work and a result of our cooperation as well!

LNEnja: *swirls around happily* And this is _my partner in crime_ Stefi-sama as said in my profile. (what, you haven't read it? -A- )

Stefi-sama: Hehee… This is a diary entity written by Matt, describing his feelings about Mello (huhu…) and a dream he had about him… ^_^ Enjoyyy

LNEnja: Buuu too many spoilers… (even for a one-shot) Soo yeah, this is just a sample-junk just to fill the profile with something… Enjooooyy!

XxX

PS: Stefi-sama: Note: I WASN'T sleeping while LNEnja was writing some parts… I was sleepy but my eyes were open… Yay for yaoi-all-nighters! Hurraaay!

LNEnja: Hell no! You were watching TV and I was writing YOUR sample like a God damn oaf… Anyway who reads this anymore… .___.

Stefi-sama: *hands her a Near puppet* I wrote the original summary… Gomenasaiii! Anyways let us witness Mello's 'influence' on Matt! Enjoyyy

LNEnja: Don't forget the reviews! For each one I'll give my L-chibi a candy!! *molests the puppet*

XxX

Yet another summer day at Wammy's House. A little while ago when the sun was still up and not hidden from the clouds, as it is now, everyone was outside running, playing, laughing…

Except one…

You…

_You…_

Mello…

_My_ Mello.

Well I wish that one was actually true… The truth is that you don't care about anyone… Not about me… You don't even _try_ at least to pretend that you notice my existence anymore. You are just sitting alone, as always, there, on that bench holding your chocolate in your left hand and playing with your rosary with the right…

Well neither that one is true…

You only care about one person…

_Only_ one.

And that one is Near…

That emotionless, cool headed, perfect boy.

The No1 boy…

…

No.

_Hell no! _

In this diary I was planning to write about the feelings I always kept buried deep inside me…

…_about what I cherish the most._

Not about a spoiled brat that his only concern is his toys.

I bet I know what you're thinking now, looking inside the building. Given that you're alone and your only company is your bittersweet chocolate, (secretively glancing over Near) it's not that hard to guess…

"I loathe you for always being No1."

"I loathe you for always surpassing me no matter how hard I try."

"I loathe you for always driving me insane while you don't give a damn about my hatred for you"

"I loathe you…"

"_I hate you…"_

…Hell, I'm so tired of this. I hear those things every single day, I know you so damn well, I can pretty much tell every single thought of you…

You are so blinded by your hatred that you don't see what is around you…

You don't see me…

You don't _even _see_ me._

Although I'm always here beside you, you don't see me at all…

Your words echo like orders in my ears…

Your wish is my command…

_Your want is my desire__._

On the other hand, you believe that this, is only a means of mine to acknowledge your superiority over mine. Or maybe it's just because your ranks are always better than mine… How I wish that _that_ one was a lie…

The truth is…

_I'm obedient to you to no end__…_

That said, and that's the _only_ truth about me…

Maybe that sounds too humiliating, but for you, I can fall so low, like a little doggy, clinging and whining on master's feet…

_Master__…_

Oh yes, _sooo_ low…

At this point, I would like to make a confession, even if it is in a bunch of blank pages…

Last night I dreamt of us. I was in my room sitting on my bed, not doing anything, just waiting for something to happen. After a few moments you stormed inside my room, banging the door behind you…

I slightly remember you saying something to me about Near surpassing you again, or something like that... But it mostly looked like you were thinking out loud.

I stayed calm, still sitting on my bed, just watching you.

How I wish I could be useful to you, _help you forget…_

After some minutes yelling, cursing and throwing things around, you finally regained your composure. You turned around in order to face me. But those eyes were not the eyes of the furious Mello you were two minutes ago… Those eyes were looking at something longingly, possessively, as if bewitched…

…_Looking at me_

You started walking slowly towards me still with those eyes of a wild animal. You stopped mere centimeters away from my lips and grabbed a handful of my hair tearing some of them off, in your attempt to turn my head up to face you.

As if reading my thoughts, painful words came out of your mouth, not like you cared anyway…

"It's time to prove yourself useful for once."

I could hardly even hear you whispering right next to my ear, but somehow those words echoed so loudly in my ears…

With that, you slapped me hard throwing me on the bed. Still dizzy from your roughness I didn't have time to react for what came next…

Not that there would be much I could do even if I had.

In a blink of an eye, you pounced on me and pinned me on the bed, starting to kiss me vigoursly. Frozen in place I submissively accepted your embrace.

No…

No… This has nothing to do with an affectionate twisted form of embrace but when I realized it, you were already hard and taking your clothes off…

I seized the chance to break free from your grip but I didn't go far…

The time I reached the doorknob, you pushed me hard against the door in order not to open it.

"You don't even deserve to be my God damn whore, Matt"

You yelled at me and slapped me hard. The time you slapped me for the third time I couldn't bear the pain anymore (not only the physically one) and I knelt on the floor crying softy before your feet.

You knelt right next to me, forcing me to lie on the floor and climbed up on me again. Your lips were mere centimeters away from mine whispering mercilessly.

"If you had the slightest chance of me being a little bit nice to you, _you just lost it…_"

If words had the power to cause harm,

_I should be dead by now…_

I vaguely remember the rest of it. I only remember vividly myself screaming 'it hurts' and begging you to stop and the only response I got from you sounded like 'I couldn't care less' or 'I'm not doing this in order for you to enjoy it' along with your violent thrusts…

_Oh yes, I should definitely be dead by now…_

Suddenly I woke up soaking wet from cold sweat, trembling and for a moment or two, I thought that my heart would stop… I started sobbing, screaming and calling your name in despair. I was glad more than anything that _that _was a nightmare, but part of me wished that it really happened (if that even makes sense anyway)… As I said before, I'm obedient to you to no end. I want more than anything to make those kind of things with you. _Only with you_ to be precise.

But I want you to be the Mello I always knew. Not a Mello blinded by his hatred for Near and me being his substitute, tortured and punished in his place.

After a, what it seemed to be, half an hour, I finally calmed down. At least I stopped sobbing that loudly…

Do you remember that night, it was about a year ago, I came in your room crying, you spent half of the night asking me what's wrong and I insisted that I just had a tough night. You seemed to be fine just with that, but when you asked me what that nightmare was, I told you that I couldn't remember.

_I never told you…_

With that, you told me to lie on your bed. I never was so terrified in my whole life. For a second I thought that my nightmare would actually come true after all…

All those thoughts were washed away the very moment you pulled me in your lap and stroke my hair.

"It's all right if you don't want to tell me, just calm down…

…_I'm here"_

_How many times__ did you plan to stop my heart, just in one single night?_

It's funny, even in my diary it's like as if I'm writing to you. Part of me wants more than anything, you to read it one day…

I'm still in the yard, but there's no sun anymore. There are only grey clouds and the pouring rain.

_And me__._

Me, under a tree still writing. You are not sitting on that bench, you used to an hour and half ago… I suppose you went inside to stalk Near again…

I somehow envy him. In a way, you have dedicated body, soul and most of all_ mind _to that brat. At least not in the way that it sounds. But still…

Oh, the bell, I forgot I have class now. I must hurry up and go, or else I won't be third anymore…

_Not right after you__…_

XxX

LNEnja: aaand that was the end of our randomness!!

Stefi-sama: *nods nods*

LNEnja: I must add that if, iiiiif you are a MelloxMatt fan, (get your ass out of my profile… Just kidding XD) you should wait for Stefi-sama for a god damn upload… I have dedicated life and soul to MelloxNear (it was really hard for me to write that one ^^ Niaaaa-chaan)

Stefi-chan: *still nods* Haiiii… soooo… choose which side are you on… I'm making a looong MelloxMatt fanfic and LNEnja a MelloxNear fanfic…

LNEnja: Aaaaand that was the end of our cooperation Stefi-sama I was glad and honored to be chosen from you to write an ff with you *bows*

Stefi-chan: And it won't be the last one… *bows too*

_Review?_


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